Or not... || 2008-02-19 at 6:02 p.m.
Well, I talked to Kris about going back to Washington and he said he understood. I told him that I just have a lot of work to do and I need to get some mental help as well and that I thought it would be easier to do if I was with all the people that supported me in my recovery and getting "better." I know he was hurt but he didn't show it because he knew that it was what I needed.
Yesterday I called my mom and told her I wanted to come home and I explained to her what was going on. She told me that she wasn't sure that was a good idea. Not because she didn't want me to come home but because she thought that if I was depressed I might just go back to using since I know so many people there who can help me get loaded. I cried and I was a little pissed at her but then I thought about it and I think she might be right. [I hate admitting that to her. Haha.] I mean, there are a lot of good reasons for me to go home but maybe subconsciously that was part of the reason I wanted to go back. So, I decided to stay and give it a try. Kris said he'd go to NA meetings with me and I think I might look up some AA meetings as well because there are only five NA meetings here. Cora also told me about a lady she used to talk to and said that she would give me her number if I decided I want some help. Which I do need.
I told my mom about my bladder infection and she told me I need to be very careful about it. Not only because I'm very prone to bladder and kindey infections but because when I over dosed in June of 2006 the doctors thought my whole body was going to shut down, espessally my kidneys. I know about my kidneys and how they don't function properaly anymore because of my over dose but I never knew they thought that my entire body was going to shut down. I wish she would have told me that before. I was a little mad about that too, but maybe she thought I knew. I'm sure the doctors told me about it but I was blacked out for almost two days and so I don't remember if they did. I'm sure I'm going to end up going to the doctor sometime this week because it doesn't seem to be getting any better.
This morning Kris and I went to Matt's swear in ceremony before he leaves for the Police Academy. His parents and girlfriend were there as well. I'm so excited for him. I know this is something he really wants to do. Kris thinks he might want to do it as well. Which makes me a little nervous. I just don't want anything bad to happen to him. He has to wait until he's 21 though which is in July.
What I'm Hearing: Love Like This - Natasha Bedingfield
What I'm Thinking: My mind is pretty blank at the moment.
What I'm Watching: